Guys are really trying to connect with women, but I think they’re still making mistakes

Lance: I think guys get that it’s important. I think they’re really trying to connect with women, but I think they’re still making mistakes. I see a lot of guys and even a lot of teachers talk about connection as if you’re trying to evoke emotions inside a woman. As if, ok you paint this picture for her or you tell this story or you convey these things about yourself, you’re going to create a feeling inside her.

And if you understand emotions and you study emotions because there’s a lot of books about, “The Social Intelligence” is a really good one. And you really understand how emotions work between two people it never works in the way that someone else reaches inside somebody and creates an emotion inside them. That’s a complete illusion.

Andy: Yeah. It’s so one sided and it’s really not effective.

Lance: Well, it just doesn’t work. The way you create emotion in somebody is you get connected and the connection actually happens instantly. I mean if I walk into a room the women are going to sense it. There’s a connection, I don’t need to do anything to create a connection with women in a room. I just walk in and we’re connected. And if I have a bad energy they’re going to feel that energy right away and they’re going to try and decrease the connection, but they’re still going to feel it, they’re still going to be dragged down.

On the other hand, If I walk in with a high energy and I’m positive and I’m just loving life. I just have this confidence like I used to on login. I just have this feeling we were talking about where you’re just bringing women into your world. You just got that glow. Then women are just going to, I don’t need to do anything they’re immediately going to feel that. So, connection happens automatically and the way you create emotions in other people is you just feel that emotion yourself.

So, when I’m talking to a woman and this sounds counterintuitive, it might sound selfish, but it’s not selfish at all. It’s called leading. I’m leading her into emotion. I’m leading her into intimacy and they way you do that is I look at the dynamic between me and her. Right, I look at her and I get a sense of what does she want? What does she need? What has she been looking for in her life?

And that’s very intuitive and it’s usually very obvious what women want. You can tell by the way they’re looking at you what they want.

Andy: Right.

Lance: And when I know what they want I can just create that in myself. Does she want someone to see her pain? And I’ll connect with what’s going on with me. I’ll tell a story about when things were tough on me. And we’ll create a connection there. Does she just want somebody to just make her life better? Does she just want a pick me up? I’ll just put myself in a positive state and I know that she’ll follow.

And so really it’s about creating emotions in yourself. That’s what connection’s really about. And when you can do that women will follow you because they want to be with men because they want to feel a certain way. And they want to feel that way with someone else, so really it’s about creating emotion in yourself and you’ve got a ton of tools to do that, but it all comes down to feeling a certain way yourself.

Women will do the rest. You just got to lead them and they’ll follow and they may not be able to express their emotions, but you’ll sense if they’re there with you and you’ll sense if that connection is real. And that’s a big mistake is that guys kind of miss that